god bless everyone writing fic about raleigh missing yancy five years after the fact and raleigh adjusting to live post-breach, but where the fuck is my fic about mako’s hideous, category 23094820394 size grief for stacker fucking pentecost who fucking blew himself up to clear a path for her and…
This is the promise he makes to you.
You will grieve. You will swim in your sorrow until it fills your lungs to gag you, until it saturates your eyeballs under a film of anguish that mutes every color in the world, and your treacherous heart will continue to beat no matter how it breaks and breaks and breaks.
Some days you will not have to strength to get out of bed. Every breath will be labored and fought to be exhaled. Some days all food will taste like ash in your mouth and bile will burn your throat raw. Some days, a scent, a snatch of a song, a snare of memory will wind its way around your soul and hold fast until you believe you want to die.
This is the promise he makes you: you won’t.
Because he has walked this lonely, bitter road and knows all the potholes and pit stops along the way. He will not carry you but he will walk by your side. He will bring the blankets and curl up with you in the dark. He will cook your favorite foods (or at least attempt to, the smoke alarm will go off and the finished product is mostly charcoal and you will laugh despite yourself). He will hold you when you cry and guard the door when you do so and don’t want anyone to know.
He will be there.
And one day you will speak of your father and the words will not choke you. One day you will relate a story and your sorrow will not spear your heart and steal your breath away. You will laugh again, you will fight again, you will go for days and days and not think of your father at all except in passing. You will pass beneath the blooming sakura late for a lunch date with Raleigh and stop-
And remember doing the exact same thing with your father.
And you will smile, Mako Mori.
This is a promise.
“What a strange thing!
to be alive
beneath cherry blossoms.”
― Kobayashi Issa, Poems